Sunday, February 13, 2011

338 and counting

I realized that I announced on Twitter five or six days ago that I was down 10 pounds, down to 338, but that I never wrote a blog post about it.

Down to 338!

I've been at 338 for almost a week now, which would normally frustrate me not losing at least one more pound in those days, but this week I'm happy about it.

You see, I've been to many parties this past week, and even had a couple at my place, and these parties were loaded with bad food. It made me feel good that I could maintain this little bit of weight loss while partaking in some of that bad food.

Yes, I had some of the bad food. Some pizza, some tasty bacon concoctions, some cookies, and some delicious chocolate dishes. But I didn't go overboard on any of it. I was really good taking small amounts of these things and being content with those small amounts.

If I completely cut out bad food I'm not going to make it. It's pretty much impossible to not have some bacon or cookies every now and then, so I'm not going to get mad at myself for doing that, but I am going to learn how to better monitor my amounts. I've been doing pretty good this past week with it, so let's hope I can continue.

Now to look forward to my first goal of getting below 330 so I can use my Wii Fit board. 329 here I come!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

No written tracking

After messing around with SparkPeople, MyFitnessPal, and MyNetDiary, I've decided I don't want to use any of them.

Here's the deal - I won't do it. I know myself and tracking what I eat every day is of no interest to me. I've tried SparkPeople in the past and it didn't last so I know it will be no different this time.

Another thing I know is that it's not all the food I eat that I need help tracking, it's really the carbs. If I could eat carbs and only carbs my life would be fabulous. Fruits and breads and sweets like chocolate and ice cream are the most delicious things to me. Carbs bring me down because I know I overeat when it comes to them.

I got a great sheet from a nutritionist to help me. He helped me figure out the amount of carbs I should be eating, and wow, it's eye opening how little carbs we're supposed to eat and how the little amount adds up quickly.

I told him that I have no interest in tracking my food every day, so he set up a point system I can think about per meal instead of per day, and it's nothing that I have to record anywhere.

Something with 11-20 carbs per serving is 1 point, 21-40 is 2 points, etc., and I can have 3 to 4 points per meal. I'm supposed to think more about the points than the carbs. I'm not supposed to think about 80 carbs per meal, which is what the highest amount would be if you took 20 x 4. I'm supposed to focus on the points because he really doesn't want me having 80 carbs for every meal and the points can help with this.

For instance, if you look at the points, it means that one slice of bread that has 22 carbs counts for 2 of these points. A medium apple would be 2 more points. With one slice of bread and a medium apple those should be the only things I have that are loaded with carbs for that meal. Yowza. How many times have you had a sandwich, an apple, and maybe even a banana thrown in thinking it was good for you? For some people that's fine, but for me, the carb lover, that's just another meal loaded with them.

For snacks I can only have 1 point, except for the evening snack when I can have 2. It's super hard only having 1 carb point for a snack, but I can do it.

One interesting thing is that items that are zero to 10 carbs don't count in this point system, so a small amount of carrots added to the meal I wouldn't even have to count carbs. Or for a snack I could have a piece of string cheese and small apple because the string cheese wouldn't count towards any carb points.

There are some other point systems he gave me, too, like for fats, but I'm going to really focus on carbs for now and move into some other systems as I get more comfortable with this. I'm the carb queen and it's about time to take down the queen!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


Down a little over 5 pounds, woo-hoo!

At first I wasn't extremely excited about this since I thought it should be more. It's usually more at the very beginning of a diet, but I wasn't necessarily fabulous this first week either. I only worked out on two days because I had long 12-hour days of work this past week. I also went to a chocolate party (an AMAZING chocolate party) so that couldn't have been good. I also made football-shaped sugar cookies for a super bowl party this coming weekend and you just have to try the cookies to see if they're good.

So, if you think about it, not exercising too much, having some chocolate, and trying some sugar cookies, I did pretty damn good!

And, honestly, if we don't indulge in some things we like as we go through this, it won't last. It's not about cutting out all the things you love, it's about doing those things in moderation. Chocolate isn't horrible, not unless I eat it every day. The same for the sugar cookies (which are safely decorated and waiting for Sunday in my freezer).

So, 342.8 it is, and I'm good with that.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Trying to be positive

I was very positive this morning, feeling good and eating good, so I trekked to Target and bought a Wii Fit. I have way more fun playing Wii workout games than stomping on a treadmill, but I hadn't yet bought the Wii Fit.

Did you know the Wii Fit board had a 330 pound limit? I didn't either, so imagine my disappointment when I'm trying to set it up and the screen tells me I'm too heavy and cannot use the Wii Fit board. It was crushing.

I really try to not let the number get to me, I really do, but it does. Time and time again.

But, trying to be positive, I'm just going to look at this as my first goal. My first goal is to reach 329 so I can use my Wii Fit board. I suppose it may have to be a little bit less than 329 since I will have clothes on; I don't really plan on Wiing naked (Woo!).

329, you are my first goal. Bring it!

Monday, January 24, 2011

348 pounds

348 pounds. Three. Forty. Eight.


I should say that it's pathetic for me. For those of you who are confident and love yourself even when you're close to 350 pounds, please continue to love being exactly who you are. I have no idea what it feels like to love being exactly who I am, and a big part of it, the majority of it, all of it, has to do with my weight.

The scale read 348 this morning. This isn't the highest it's been, but it's close.

I have been 175 pounds. It's the lightest I've been as an adult and I was content at that weight. 175 put me in a size 10 (I'm tall) and that was perfect to me. I do not strive to be a fashion-model size. But I didn't get to 175 in a good way. It's too long a story to convey, but let's just say that I did stupid things, that I thought were smart and healthy, and they got me down to 175, but because of them I also easily put back on hundreds of pounds quickly. Now I'm anywhere from a size 24 to 28.

I have been overweight my whole life, but I didn't lead the torturous life depicted on after-school specials. I wasn't teased in school, or if I was it was behind my back and I never knew about it, and I'd rather have it that way. I had a lot of friends. I went to a lot of parties. I felt a lot of love around me. Inside, though, I felt so insecure and was always waiting for when the teasing would begin. That's what movies and television told me would happen, after all.

And I suppose those movies and television have helped shape the way I feel about myself. Overweight women are depicted as laughable, not attractive, and unworthy of...well, pretty much everything. Love. Money. Success. Those things don't happen to a woman if she's overweight, or so we're told, but I have internalized these things so much that I'm starting to assume they are fact.

Most people wouldn't think that I believe all these horrible things about myself because on the outside I project confidence, but inside I beat myself up more so than anyone else could. And the sad thing about it is that I can change it but I haven't been.

I can lose weight and have self control. I've done it in the past. Today is the day that I try doing it again, and this time doing it for good.

This blog is for me to be honest with myself about this process. If you choose to read it, welcome, but I'm really doing it for me.

So it begins.